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BY MARIA GARRIDO - 2 MINUTE READ
A quest for bedroom bliss and the journey to sexual wellness.
MISGUIDED BY MISOGYNY
I spent the early years of my adult life with a partner whose sexual preferences were heavily misguided by misogyny. Young, naive and feeling the pressure to conform, I never put my own desires first. Hence, I found myself in an unhealthy and severely flawed sexual relationship, one not rooted in equality, respect, generosity, trust or proper intimacy.
Not surprisingly, after years of putting my own needs aside, sex became a chore for me. There was no space or interest in what I wanted; his wishes always dominated the bedroom. I'd resigned myself to accepting a deeply unfulfilling situation that didn't serve me. Needless to say my own sexual wellness was severely neglected.
SEX EDUCATION
When that relationship ended, I knew it was a chance to finally discover my own sensuality, a chance to jumpstart my own sexual awakening, decades behind schedule!
After nearly 20 years off the market, I was terrified to re-enter the dating scene in my early 40's but I knew I had a lot of time to make up! Before getting involved with anyone, I had to learn first what I wanted. After doing some research online, I discovered that experimenting with sex toys could be a way to better understand my own needs. But in the past, I'd shied away from purchasing one because of the social embarrasment and stigma surrounding sex toys. Given that I was flying solo now, I figured this was a good time to experiment and focus on my own needs in a safe space. So I discreetly ordered a vibrator and got to work on my own sexual wellness and discovery.
Experimenting with a vibrator when you've fallen into an unhealthy pattern of sexual relationships or when you're a little rusty on your own needs can actually enhance your sexual wellness. Besides reconnecting with your own body and needs, using a vibrator can help reduce stress by releasing endorphins and promoting relaxation. Regular use of a vibrator can help increase blood flow to the genitals, which can improve sexual arousal and responsiveness with a partner over time for the simple reason that you understand your own sexual wellness better when you dedicate time to exploring yourself. For some women especially, vibrators can provide relief from menstrual cramps, pelvic pain, and other types of discomfort by stimulating blood flow and releasing tension in the pelvic region.
UNLEASHING THE O's
In the years since, I've taken back my sensuality and learned to prioritize my own sexual wellness; I discovered how to share intimacy in ways I hadn't had for much of my younger adult life. Now, I know how to focus on my own pleasure without inhibitions. I'm not afraid to communicate what I want. I know there are times when I will give to my partner and other times where mutual pleasure is on the menu. And, for the first time in my life, I know that I damn well deserve moments of intimacy that are about what I want, too.
You couldn't pay me to go back to being 25. Sure, I was younger and probably looked better then. But I like who I am as a queenager. Despite the extra kilos, the smile lines and a bit of cranky bones, I am more comfortable in my own skin; I feel good about my body and appreciate her curves. And because I've taken ownership of my own sexual wellness,
I'm having the best sex of my life.
Good sex is simply good for your health. Orgasms and the feel-good endorphins that come with them need to be seen as part of a normal and healthy path towards sexual wellness. Studies show that good sex can contribute to better heart health because it helps regulate blood pressure. People who are sexually active have shown higher levels of immunoglobulin, an antibody that helps fight off infections. There are other studies that show additional benefits like better sleep quality and even longevity. Individuals who engage in consensual and supportive relationships and acknowledge their partner's needs find that regular sexual activity can also contribute to increased intimacy and relationship satisfaction.
MY THONG, MY CHOICE
Our sexual journeys and desires are unique, shaped by the fabric of our individual experiences in the bedroom (or elsewhere😉) . If it's fast and furious or slow and steady you're into, or something altogether different turns you on, we all have unique sexual desires. To truly get the most out of your sex life, you need to get to know your sexual-self better and find a rhythm and style that works for you.
There are so many factors that contribute to our sexual tastes. From early experiences, upbringing, past relationships, personal beliefs, cultural backgrounds, hormonal levels, and neurological wiring all help construct our own unique erotic template. So, find your own excitement, your own rhythm and your own pleasure points. And acknowledge that these may evolve over time so stay atune to your own needs.
Respect your boundaries and those of your partner(s). Whether you're in a committed relationship, dating several people or on a casual fling, don't be afraid to experiment. Trying new things in a trusted space is the best way to understand what brings you and your partner pleasure. Most importantly, communicate your needs and don't expect your lover(s) to guess what you want.
Everyone has their own unique journey towards sexual wellness. Don't judge or ever allow anyone to judge you for yours.
SELF CARE TIP
And, just in case you needed reminding, it is NEVER too late to be sexually fulfilled. With years and experience often comes a deeper understanding of your sexual self and the emotional maturity that fosters stronger connections and better intimacy, enhancing your overall sexual wellness.
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